American Shithole #47 | Red Fish, Blue Fish, Fuck Fish, You Fish?

By Eric Wilson

With the thriving pod of democratic whales surfacing for the political feeding-frenzy of the century — each with their giant, bulbous eyes fixated on the Oval Office — Americans over the next two years, will bear witness to many of these magnificent, blue cetaceans beaching themselves.

The candidates that manage to safely navigate uncharted political waters without somehow getting lost in a sea of democratic contenders, will face an unhinged Trump base and a billionaire-backed bevy of far-right think tanks and other shadowy organizations waiting for them — all searching for any way to sink their campaigns.

I guarantee, when we’ve traveled the length of this particularly uneven, broken-glass-laden stretch of shoreline, and we’re looking back over our collective shoulders for answers (or Jesus’ footprints), I know one thing — the political carcasses left rotting in the wake of this administration will stretch to the horizon.

But first, before they throw themselves like chum to sharks, every democrat must apologize.

Right. I can see why they’re all lining up to get it out of the way early. The hypocrisy of singling out moments of stupidity every well-meaning democrat must now say they are “sorry” for, while this criminally incompetent president sits atop a mountain of bullshit, deceit, cruelty and treachery, is likely hard for them to stomach.

It’s like comparing parking tickets to pedophilia.

Take the gloves off, Democratic Party, and start swinging like you’re fighting for your country’s life — because you are. Stop fucking Gillibrand-ing each other; stay fucking unified.

Remember the Al Franken!

Before being torpedoed by his own party and sinking into the ocean, Al Franken was a comedian.

I don’t look forward to all of the hand-wringing for past transgressions; I really don’t. Particularly the groveling, hat-in-hand maneuver every member of the Democratic Party has to sheepishly master these days.

Nor do I look forward to the army of dossiers documenting every democratic politician’s past behaviors that will undoubtedly be on parade before us in the coming months; information meticulously cultivated by conservative ideologues and other nefarious miscreants looking to smear any potential challenger to Trump is of little import to me — just propaganda in a time of conflict, and nothing else.

The die-hard republicans that remain to protect the interests of a handful of billionaires are the kind of people that, for fuck’s sake, don’t care that the President of the United States is a compromised Russian asset — just as long as kids don’t get healthcare, and corrupt politicians like themselves get a fat paycheck when their time betraying their oath of office is through.

They certainly aren’t going to pull any punches with democrats this time around; quite the opposite. What’s left of their abysmal political party is all in; it’s either the end of what’s left of our democracy, or the end of the Grand Old Party.

So, for the foreseeable future we are going to have every democrat with a frothy blowhole announcing their candidacy for the presidency — a prize in 2020 too shiny for many to resist — while conservatives hunt down and harpoon as many of them as they possibly can.

And they have nearly two years and the inexhaustible resources of the billionaire class to do it.

Remember, this is what they do best — destroying people’s lives. Now they have a presidential base that literally would not care if they snuffed out the sun; as long as the Libruls froze to death too. There are no moderate republicans left to temper the insanity. There is nothing to stop the GOP from doubling down on already historically dirty tactics, and that is exactly what we’re going to get.

We have enjoyed our Blue Wave of relief, and it’s time once again to steel ourselves for what’s to come, and hopefully find new ways to get through to a Trump base that defies logic and deflects reason.

I think we might have to get remedial?

Perhaps this Dr. Seuss excerpt from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish — including a recently discovered stanza — will help get the message across:

 One fish

Two fish

Red fish

Blue fish.

Black fish

Blue fish

Old fish

New fish.

This one has a little star.

This one has a little car.

Say! What a lot

Of fish there are.

 
Yes. Some are red.

And some are blue.

Some are old.

And some are new.

Some are sad.

And some are glad.

And some are very, very bad.

Then came Orange fish.

Orange fish, Orange fish, Orange fish, Orange fish.

It makes Blue fish long for Red fish.

Look at your tax returns shit-for-brains, and stop voting against your self-interests.