Contributing Writer 2/11/25 Contributing Writer 2/11/25

2025 Global Peace Tour

I am committed to fostering peace and community, values that define my life. It is easy to retreat into anger and division, to see the world as “us” vs. “them.” But that is not the best use of our time on our planet. There is no “them.” There is only us. Let’s act like it.

Contributing Writer 9/3/23 Contributing Writer 9/3/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 4

As you have already learned, I am a quick thinker. Like, how I used my second wish to live inside of the classic sitcom Cheers. Yep. Everything is going to be smooth sailing from here on out.

It’s true that I’ll miss my girlfriend, Sarah, but as Dave Matthews said in a Facebook post in 2018, “What a great ending of a great tour!”

Norm walks over to me.

Contributing Writer 8/29/23 Contributing Writer 8/29/23

[Revisited] American Shithole #25 — Can the Dying Mule Become the Butterfly?

We are still in the age of clutching things. We humans like to clutch. Our belongings, our pearls. Our ideas. Our instincts to gather and protect were selected long ago — so the idea that resource collecting is at the heart of our concerns today, is a tough pickle to swallow, compounded by the behavior’s hidden influence on all other human doctrine.

Contributing Writer 2/18/23 Contributing Writer 2/18/23

Wisdom of the Creatives | From the Archives

Long perched upon my living room table is a book gifted to me by an old friend called The War of Art, a play on Sun Tzu’s Art of War—only geared toward the creative process. Glancing through it once again this New Year's Eve, putting it down I resolved to seek more inspiration in my life, which in turn makes me more creative in my own life.

Contributing Writer 12/24/22 Contributing Writer 12/24/22

Hey Joe!, Dear Don, …(and yeah, you too Vlad)

one idea that I had was to be in the spirit of Jesus (I know that Republicans say they like Jesus). And be like Bush. You know, George Bush used to have a saying, “I wonder what Jesus would do?" Me too. And I think that Jesus would try and love the fascists.

Contributing Writer 11/10/22 Contributing Writer 11/10/22

[Still Relevant] What We Can Learn from Charlize Theron, Elon Musk, and Trevor Noah (Copy)

Charlize Theron was born in South Africa. Elon Musk was born in South Africa. Trevor Noah was born in South Africa. Yet, of these three brilliant, talented, successful people, only one was born a crime in South Africa.

Contributing Writer 11/8/22 Contributing Writer 11/8/22

[Archived But Fresh] Humans are Scum

I cannot express how excited I am. Because over the past couple weeks since I was assigned this topic, I’ve been overwhelmed by this deep, dark despair. But in the next few minutes, I get to unload it all onto you, and then I can resume the carefree complacency to which I’ve grown accustomed.

You. People. Suck.

It’s true and you all know it and here are seven reasons why.

Contributing Writer 11/6/22 Contributing Writer 11/6/22

[From the Archives] Required Watching: Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr. (1999)

Time for another installment of Required Watching where we knock you out of your comfortable routine of TV and movies to show you a documentary that's weird for the sole purpose of making you a better person. Knowledge is power.

Contributing Writer 11/5/22 Contributing Writer 11/5/22

[From Back in the Day] All Art is Political

But where, might you ask, is Art in all this. Well, if the concept of Politics precedes everything, guess what, Art, informs everything that politics and language created because 70,000 years ago, Homo sapiens developed an ability no other animal possesses, the ability to imagine that what which can not be seen. In other words, Imagination. If there is a dividing line between art and imagination, I’m hard pressed to find it.

Contributing Writer 11/2/22 Contributing Writer 11/2/22

[ARCHIVED] I Was a Teenage Space Billionaire

I built a city in the desert.
Lithium and plastic and dry cellulose.
Autonomous flying cars.
Drone-delivered impossible everything,
Nourishing our body-positive bodies.
Streaming, bingeable Obama-produced documentaries
In every remote classroom.

There was even a monorail.

Contributing Writer 9/8/22 Contributing Writer 9/8/22

I Like to Watch | What Scares You

"What scares me is what scares you. We're all afraid of the same things. That's why horror is such a powerful genre."

Contributing Writer 8/27/22 Contributing Writer 8/27/22

Face the Music

Instead, I find myself more concerned with my place in all of it, attempting to situate my past, present, and future comfortably into a sequence that doesn’t make me feel any worry, regret, anxiousness, or fear.

Contributing Writer 7/3/22 Contributing Writer 7/3/22

In My Solitude

So no, don’t quit your job and walk or hitchhike across America, as fun as that may sound.

Contributing Writer 6/10/22 Contributing Writer 6/10/22

The North Star

Contributing Writer 3/30/22 Contributing Writer 3/30/22

I Give You Nothing

She was America’s wet dream, white, blonde, and beautiful. Of course, these physical characteristics were used against her, primarily by those who had not achieved a fraction of what she had earned. Her accomplishments were never, according to these people, the fruits of her natural intellect and hard labor. Rather, they were the inevitable conclusion derived from the size of her breasts/ass/stomach, as well as a particularly nasty rumor that had been circulating since sophomore year concerning an alleged handjob she had given to Mr. Howley—the English teacher who organized these events—behind the bleachers in the old gymnasium.

Contributing Writer 3/19/22 Contributing Writer 3/19/22

Extinguished Light

He broke into a piece of the earth with his shovel. The burial, he had decided, would take place in front of the farm. The surrounding soil was fertile enough, so the dig wouldn’t be too taxing, physically speaking. Halfway through, the father appeared to lose control of his basic motor skills. He dropped the shovel and immediately fell to his knees and began to dry-heave. The heaving gave way to a sudden and hostile appearance of vomit that expelled out of his mouth with a force that could only be described as audacious.

Contributing Writer 12/1/21 Contributing Writer 12/1/21

A Christmas Classic: The Day I Almost Died

The day I almost died…

The year was 2008 or something like that. We decided we wanted to be taken more seriously as performers. Our solution to this was to emulate the icon that was the ‘80s business master. We would wear suits every day and do lots of cocaine.

Contributing Writer 11/2/21 Contributing Writer 11/2/21

Las Vegas Tour Company

on the corner
of Casino Center and Colorado with the studded thongs and the leashes around their slim necks and those high- waisted hot-pants hiked up to that sinched waist terrified by the possibility of beauty, while forgetting what
it might
be
...slowly
losing
life

Contributing Writer 10/21/21 Contributing Writer 10/21/21

I Was a Teenage Space Billionaire

I built a city in the desert.
Lithium and plastic and dry cellulose.
Autonomous flying cars.
Drone-delivered impossible everything,
Nourishing our body-positive bodies.
Streaming, bingeable Obama-produced documentaries
In every remote classroom.

There was even a monorail.

Contributing Writer 10/16/21 Contributing Writer 10/16/21

Commitment

The next part I'm not really sure of. I don't know if she was trying to drug me...or if one of the local neck beards was trying to drug her.