The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Pastor Joe Explains Racism to White Kids
The Third or Fourth Methodist Church.
Wednesday Kids ‘n’ Khrist Meeting
June 3, 2020 11:30am post-service
Attendance: Pastor Joe, all 12 kids ages 5-13, Mrs. Brown
Hello, Children.
You may have been hearing about some scary things happening in different cities in the United States, even in Washington, DC. You might be wondering just what the dickens is going on? I hope I have some answers for you.
Now, most of you have probably seen a black person at one time or another. I believe one or two of them go to our schools. Or maybe you’ve been to the strip mall after one of our services.
They all go to that other church next to the laundromat. They praise the same God we do, except their services are longer and a little noisier. A lot noisier. God can hear you. No need to yell. But, to each their own. There’s no wrong way to praise God. Unless blood is involved. Real blood. Their music is better. I’ll give them that. I’ve asked Mrs. Brown to pep up the organ a bit, and, well, you can hear how that’s been going. …Nice job, today, Mrs. Brown! …She also doesn’t hear very well.
Many, many black people in this country are angry about how they have been treated by the police. Now, in some cases, it was just a misunderstanding. Cellphones can be mistaken for guns when you squint. Someone had the wrong address. I’ve even done that. My sevens sometimes look like twos. It can happen. Sometimes the police officer might just have been having a bad day. That doesn’t mean they were right. Many police officers are friendly and know how to behave when they are working. You all know Officer Bob. He’s a good guy. You don’t want to be round him after he’s had a few at Mel’s, which often happens during the day. Be careful around Officer Bob. Do what he says and don’t tick him off. Other than that, he’s here to keep you safe.
My point is, black people are angry and it’s okay to feel angry. And it’s their God-given constitutional right to peacefully assemble and try to tell us about how gosh darn mad they are. Our job is to listen. And stay out of their way.
If you want to know what it’s like to be black, you have to walk a mile in their Air Jordans. I know what it’s like because I went prematurely bald. I was in my early twenties and people started treating me very differently. Especially women. Some people even called me names. Names like Baldy. Hey, Baldo. What’s that you’re celebrating? Why the flesh-colored bald-loon? It was very hurtful.
As we have learned from our world studies group watching The Cosby Show, black people are just like us. They even wear colorful sweaters, like I would do, if I didn’t have a black uniform that I always wear. Always.
So, be nice to our brothers and sisters who have darker skin than you. Some of our greatest entertainers and athletes are black people. They aren’t black by choice. It’s a gift from God so that everyone else might more enjoy their time on earth.
…Are there black people in heaven? Well, heaven is the almighty’s ultimate gated neighborhood. I’m sure the Lord has given them their own section with their own entrance and their own places to exercise or watch birds. Because they’re special.
If you meet someone who is black, say hello. Tell them you think they’re special and that you enjoy their music and television shows. Ask them how they are and if you can touch their hair. Show interest in their lives. Ask them about Africa.
Remember, white contains every color of the rainbow. We have an obligation to include people of all colors in our lives. They are a part of your rainbow, but not rainbow in a gay way.
…What’s gay? That’s a talk for another time.
Mrs. Brown keeping it traditional funky.