Zoom! Pow! Splash! How I Became More Productive Working at Home During a Deadly Pandemic!
This is where the MAGIC happens!
by Joe Janes
Zoom! Pow! Splash!
How I Became More Productive
Working at Home During a Deadly Pandemic!
Welcome to the monthly newsletter from
Dr. Steve Honeybelch, Lifecoachologist, PhD!
Here’s the BUZZ!
Greetings, Honeybelch-ers!
Thankfully, we are nearing the end of the pandemic. We see a light at the end of the tunnel. While most people are starting to transition back to a normal work/home life balance, we are not out of the woods, yet! Like many of you, I was getting exhausted from multiple online meetings during the day. I found myself yearning for being in an office five or six days a week with people I tolerate. Then I had an epiphany! KA-BOOM!
Zoom fatigue is a natural part of human evolution! The “fatigue” is merely a mental cocoon for us to break through. Otherwise, things will go back to normal and we’ll be spending many wasted hours commuting in horrible traffic or spending more hours at work when we’d rather be at home. GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE! The solution is to not surrender to the fatigue but to ramp up our productivity! Most people work 40-60 hours a week or more. In the before times, this meant a work/personal life balance of 70%-30%. Our personal lives were losing!
To gain control of our lives we need to ensure that the new balance is 100% work, 100% you time. Since embracing this new Zoom life outlook, my workload has tripled and so has my down time. K-WHUH? I have learned to do both simultaneously. So can YOU.
Here are some HONEYbelch DO’S!
Embrace both worlds at the same time. K-HUGS!
The first thing I did was move my work space. Right now, you may be lucky enough to have your own office, but are more likely working from a kitchen table or sofa. I realized the most comfortable seat in my house is the toilet. Thanks to IBS and an enlarged prostate, I spend hours there. Sometimes reading and doing crossword puzzles, too. Why not make that down time work time? SPLERT! A properly positioned folding table frames me mid-chest on up. Except for the towel rack on the wall behind me, no one would know I am doing a number two while talking to my number one client.
My john is also right next to the sink, so I fill it with ice and keep a variety of refreshing beverages on hand – bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and tequila. Another advantage to Zoom, is that no one can smell your breath! GORMPF! When I do want to brush my teeth, I just fill the waste basket with water and use that for my rinsing and spitting.
Being at home, I get to spend time with my wife and kids. I leave the door open so they can come by and wave to me and bring me things like the mail or meals. My wife Jennifer still holds down a fulltime job that she has to be present for. We still find the time for us to have a date night. We’ll order Chinese food and watch something romantic on Netflix. OOH-LA-LA! She sits in the living room and shares the screen with me so I can watch it with her on my laptop. SCREECH!!! I know what you’re saying, “Dr. Honeybelch, how can you be productive while watching movies?” It’s simple. I use the captions option and read subtitles while listening to a patient’s most recent trauma. It’s also why I recommended to Patient X that she quit her job as a high-powered attorney and move back to her small hometown and open up a candle store. I know it’s going well because she just sent me a pumpkin-scented candle shaped like her vulva. To scale.
Given that I am in the bathroom during all my waking hours, you might be wondering how I can spend quality time with my kids. Jennifer, Jr. and Bobby know they can always come in and sit on the edge of the bath tub and “hang with Dad”. Sometimes we play a little foot hockey with bars of soap. And if I’m feeling a little gamey, they gladly swab Dad’s decks with a damp cloth and a little soap.
Your brain must be going K-BOING! BOING! BOING!
This is my new life. It can be yours, too. I look forward to the pandemic being over but I do not want things to go back to “normal”. No thank you. Now to do some “chair” aerobics while “download” out a few “files” before my next meeting in five minutes. PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!
One-On-One sessions available I suddenly have many openings as most of my clients of decided they are doing well enough to move on. SUCCESS!!!
Grab life by the belch! The Honeybelch!
Dr. Steve Honeybelch
Lifecoachologist, PhD
Pants and dress shoes? Those are HONEYbelch DON’TS!