Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of November 5, 2017
• I would kill to be a sociopath.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of October 29, 2017
• I have always appreciated Madonna for continuing to reinvent herself with each album or decade or whatever. With her new skin care line, she’s reinvented herself as a chubby Drew Barrymore.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Halloween Edition
• There’s nothing scarier than having your mom show up to your Halloween party dressed as a slutty caterpillar.
Hagatha the Dog Witch
Hagatha, upon arriving in Chicago, had developed an allergy to cats. She tried Zyrtec, Claritin and Allegra, and all the potions and spells in her Witch Craft: Curses & Remedies book. Nothing helped. Her eyes watered, which made her face melt a little. Her nose ran constantly, and witch snot is essentially acid so she kept burning through her handkerchiefs and shirt sleeves. The only solution was to put her beloved cat, Gomez, whom she had had since she conjured him to life two centuries ago, up for adoption.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 15, 2017
• My days go by so fast so often. That's a good thing because most of my days suck.
The Men of Me Too
I’m talking to the guys here.
At first glance, men speaking out on social media in solidarity to the most recent movement to appropriately criminalize, demonize and recognize the all-too-common occurrence of women being sexually harassed and assaulted seems like a great thing. However, I’m concerned that the best kind of solidarity men can offer right now is by shutting up so you don't crowd those women speaking up.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 8, 2017
• The dirtiest roommates I’ve had have all been women. #TheFutureisFilthy #NastyWoman
• I’m a Cubs fan but I don’t really want the Cubs to win the World Series again. The last time they won Donald Trump was elected president. If you think those two incredibly inconceivable things aren’t related, you’re not paying attention.
The Thrill of Cannons and My American Male Lizard Brain
I’m a child of the ‘80s. I grew up during the Cold War in the warm embrace of America’s beautifully violent and heroic narrative. Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, He-Man… I used to think that Batman was a pussy because he wore kevlar. Rambo essentially rewrote history by winning the Vietnam War shirtless. And he blew up a helicopter gun ship with a bow and arrow. But I always knew this was bullshit. Hollywood. I may have fantasized about saving my school or my family or an office building from terrorists with weapons but I always knew that actually doing so was pure imagination.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 1, 2017
• Too many people think Red Dawn and Die Hard are documentaries.
Bad Day
I wrote this under distress.
The day began to my wife waking me up in my hotel room before sunrise. I thought someone had died. They had.
A (Non-denominational) Recovering Jew Among Them
At church I felt OK. In sat next to Tommy who explained Catholic things to me. Ironically, I felt more comfortable in that Catholic church than I did in any Jewish temple I’d been in in the last 10 years. Maybe it’s because I feel betrayed by the Jewish people. Maybe it’s because I think Zionism is as evil as anti-Semitism. Maybe it’s because the rabbi at the temple where I grew up seems to have next to no concern for his dwindling congregation and the economic slide of his community so long as he keeps collecting his handsome salary—with benefits. I dunno, but I felt OK.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 24, 2017
As a young pervert and budding writer, I absolutely read the articles in Playboy. Really, the writing in that magazine was always as high quality as the air brushing of boobies.
Checklist for the World’s End
When it's time to go, here's what you'll need to take with you.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 17, 2017
• I’m a honky with a dingdong, therefore, everything I say means nothing and I’m the bad guy. And so is he.
Julianne's Money
Being an escort for me was like being a scrapbooker on Etsy for most other single moms trying to pick up some extra money. The only difference was that I could make a few thousand bucks for one hour of potential discomfort versus making a few hundred for several hours of suffering through handmade clip art. I’m a pretty open-minded person, but I cannot for one second believe that there is any joy in being hunched over a desk, cutting and pasting other people’s memories together. It seems so lonely and juvenile.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 10, 2017
• Maybe I should be reading instead of watching Voltron: Legendary Defender.
Not Wanting to be Married is the Secret to a Happy Marriage
I have always preferred being by myself, especially before or after big social events. And there is no bigger, more social event than one’s own wedding. I needed to focus—submerge myself under the water, fight its resistance, smooth out my breathing, stretch my muscles—become totally in tune with my whole self. This would be the last moments I would ever have to be alone as a man without jewelry. Unless, of course, I got divorced. But I didn’t want to consider that on my wedding day. I may be a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart but I’m not a monster.
Notes from the Post-it Wall – Week of September 3, 2017
• I'm not big on claiming divine intervention, but when I consider the number and magnitude of the storms, and the wildfires that have beaten the hell out of our country's topography, and injured, killed or displaced so many Americans, it's difficult for me not to conclude that God actively hates America's guts and he is trying to run us out of town.
Beyoncé’s Lemonade Suckers
Box sets bring in the best and more of your previous life and remind you of what you were and what you can be. Usually, by the time these things are released, we’ve forgotten ourselves. Maybe we’ve forgotten the songs and the bands who made them. We need these box sets all these years later.
Beyoncé’s How to Make Lemonade does none of this. And not because it doesn’t have the ability to do so but because it hasn’t given itself enough time to be able to do so. It hasn’t earned enough street cred.
Fox News Readers’ Choice
From this unofficial and institutionally unsponsored study and collection of evidence, it can be determined that Fox News readers—enough to set the trend for online news—are kings and queens of perversion and avoiding the hard truth that their president, their country and their world are going to absolute hell in a weighted handbag that is already engulfed in flames. But hey, at least Sofia Varga is posing completely nude at 45. (And that’s her age, not President Trump, you sickos.)
...that intense and deep aren’t the same thing even if you’ve convinced yourself they are. Intense is momentary and fleeting; deep is the result of time and energy.