Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 12, 2021
I like to think that when our society crumbles and future humans or alien scavengers dig our civilization out of the dirt, they’ll look at the Met Gala and laugh at our absurd level of indulgence the way we look and laugh at ancient Rome.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | 5 Years Married Edition
Take nothing personal. Your spouse loves you more than most other people in the world. Be comfortable with that. They also hate you more than most people in the world. Be comfortable with that, too.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 29, 2021
Cancel culture will fail us all. It’s an overcorrection to answer for the previous culture that failed us all.
Leaving Afghanistan Better Than We Found It was Never Possible
I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend Jordan lately. I haven’t seen her in a while and I would like to get together with her, her husband Tom—have them over to our new place, see the kid, drink some beer, have some laughs. But mostly, I’ve been thinking about Jordan because of a rule she lived by during her dating years.
“Always leave your ex better than you found them.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 22, 2021
I've met rabid Evangelicals who are easier on the senses than most basic bitches with their rush to autumn—pumpkin spice, sweaters, and jackets. You people are insufferable prior to September 21st and mind numbingly annoying every day thereafter.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 15, 2021
Peeing in the shower is one thing. Peeing in the bath is monstrous.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 8, 2021
Agent Peggy Carter is totally hot. Cartoon Captain Carter is even hotter. If that makes me a misogynist, you’re wrong. It makes me horny for a cartoon.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 1, 2021
If you get excited about 401 Ks, you really sound like a schmuck when you rail against the failings of capitalism.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 25, 2021
The best part about the January 6 Insurrection Committee hearing this week was all the cursing on public radio and television.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 18, 2021
Sometimes I think people make things harder on others just to give themselves a sense of control in their otherwise chaotic and mismanaged lives. Those people need a hug. Like, smother them to death.
15 Minutes with Kevin in Evanston
Kevin was on his own. His endgame, I had figured out, was just to let his rage unfurl until the booze wore off. At which point, assuming he avoided arrest, he’d walk home. I figured this because I had been there before. And truth be told, I was having a bit of a bad day, too. Nothing specific. Just a general sense of annoyance with being awake. It happens. It’s one of the reasons we drink beer in bars and put up with bar trivia hosts.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 11, 2021
Speaking of hell… I was recently asked if Jews believe in hell. Not that I’m an expert on all things Jewish, I was just the closest thing resembling a Jew at the time. Anyway… no. Jews don’t believe in hell. But if there was a Jewish hell, it would be Judaism’s worst having to watch that documentary about Woody Allen allegedly molesting his daughter for eternity. “Oy vey, noooooo! Why can’t we watch Annie Hall!?!?!?”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 27, 2021
Our dog is still a little too neurotic to poop in the yard and keeps crapping in the house, so basically, I just bought her a $500,000 toilet.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | The Moving Edition
There is a fine line between leadership and dictatorship. Unfortunately, we can’t find which box we packed it in.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 6, 2021
The promos for In The Heights make The Partridge Family look like Black Sabbath.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 30, 2021
Sometimes holding your liquor is just as bad as holding a feral honey badger in heat and on cocaine.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 23, 2021
Milli Vanilli had more influence over hip-hop than you want to admit. It’s okay. Accept it. Admit it.
Birthday Reflections of a Year in Lockdown
I need to pause and be proud of myself every now and again
I’ve never been one to rest on their laurels. And I’ve never been one for daily affirmations or being really proud of making little steps toward a big goal. I’m not that shallow or weak. But being asked to write for The Atlantic and the President of the United States is pretty cool—and kind of a big deal.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 16, 2021
The idea that all Jews must support whatever Israel does doesn’t quite play out logically. Let’s follow that logic. Looking at it through the lens of religion, if all Jews must support Israel then all Catholics must support pedophilia. And that’s fucking insane.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 9, 2021
I support Israel’s right to defend itself. I also support Palestine’s right to defend itself. Furthermore, I support Palestine’s justification for being pissed off for 73 years since its citizens were displaced and its land confiscated for Israel’s use. And finally, I support anyone’s right to criticize Israel’s policies and actions without being labeled anti-Semitic by the most simple of unprogressive minds.
How do you want to be defined? By one action? By some opinion that could evolve? By a mistake, regrettable only with hindsight? Or by the sum of your parts? Okay, do that for other people. Start the trend.