Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 2, 2020
I believe we should take every step to accommodate those who have hindering disabilities. That is not to say we should carry the paraplegic up every flight of stairs because they don’t like wheelchairs.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 26, 2020
It’s time to cancel white men who wear Birkenstocks.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 19, 2020
• The polls say Biden is ahead of Trump. Why are we listening to polls? Why do we have any faith in pools? Has 2016 taught us nothing?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 12, 2020
Side-by-side refrigerators with narrow, vertical freezers are humanity’s most despicable creation. Worse than pollution, weapons of war, and blind American patriotism combined.
Go Away White-Marked Tussock Moth Caterpillar
I love being outside. Love sitting in the grass and feeling the blades tickle my ankles. Ah, that’s a pretty active tickle. That’s not grass, something’s crawling on me. Yikes! What is that thing!? Yellow, fuzzy thing with a red head and… is that a stinger? What are those white balls on its back? Are those eggs? Is this thing poisonous? Get off me scary caterpillar! Go away you white-marked tussock moth caterpillar!
My Ascent to Greatness Will Not Be Compromised by the Likes of You
When I was twenty, I went to work for a captain of industry. A titan really.
I met him through the fraternity I had just pledged.
He said, he saw something in me — I had ambition, I had smarts, I had just what he was looking for.
I had reminded him of himself when he was my age.
That was a long time ago. More than twice my life thus far.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 5, 2020
I think Donald Trump’s biggest problem is that he didn’t spent enough time around campfires as a kid.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Independence Day Edition
Seeing giant American flags draped across giant crosses as I drive through central Illinois… I love how the irony of crucifying the flag is completely lost on these patriots.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 21, 2020
Other than a sailboat, a soundproof booth with a mic and headphones is my favorite place to be.
Selfish Love
It was a hard decision. One Marie had to make alone. Her poor, sick kitty couldn’t weigh in even though it was his opinion that should have mattered most. Cancer. It’s a bummer no matter the species.
Happy Father’s Day, My Son
On Father’s Day, I want what I bet most of the dads I know out there want: time to themselves equal to time with their kids. Really, that’s the dream, isn’t it? I bet it’s the dream of moms, too. And that’s what Mother’s Day is for.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 14, 2020
The thing that’s most making me miserable is how much I don’t care about a growing number of things that used to matter to me.
Slothy's Day Out
Slothy has been a good friend to Harry. He’s always been there to play with and comfort Harry. Slothy has always had Harry’s back. He was Harry’s biggest cheerleader when Harry was learning to walk. Because a walking Harry meant Slothy could have more adventures.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 9, 2020
City rats are persistent little fuckers. Trump supporters are as persistent like city rats, too. They keep eating his shit and no matter how often he sets traps to kill them or fills in their burrows, they come back for more. Trump supporters and city rats are a lot alike. The big difference is that city rats are far more intelligent.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 24, 2020
You can trust a cop, but you’re a fool to trust the police.
On Birthday 41 and the Things I’ve Learned
Some things don’t change. We are creatures of habit. But we’re also creatures of evolution, and while basking in the happiness that familiarity brings, we also find ourselves on our birthdays with a heart and a brain full of things learned. So, taking my inspiration from a Don Hall tradition of recounting those things leaned in the past year, here’s the short list of what my forty-first trip around the Sun has revealed to me.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 17, 2020
Is there anything in the world cuter than a toddler parroting back to you, “Goddammit! Jesus…”? The answer is yes. That same toddler parroting back to you, “The fuck is your problem?”
The Cereal Wish
Fast & Short is a flash fiction collaboration between eight Literate Ape writers. Each was tasked with authoring one piece of flash fiction that would be combined to create a single short story. The writers’ flash fiction needed to serve two purposes: 1) Stand alone as a unique piece of flash fiction and 2) Serve as a vehicle for building a larger story and driving that story forward. Here is that developing story.
The Cereal Wish | Part 1
Thank God for the dog. If not for her, my girlfriend wouldn’t let me leave the house. When the pandemic got serious, she didn’t care about toilet paper; she b-lined it for the milk. Our freezer is perfectly packed with Swedish meatballs, broccoli florets, and twenty-three gallon-size Ziplocs of milk.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 10, 2020
A lot of people have gotten new puppies during this pandemic. Look, if you need an excuse to go outside, just start smoking. It’s cheaper and cleaner. And I’ve never had to scrub cigarette poo-poo out of a carpet.
The concept of the New Year’s resolution is as American as apple pie and arterial blockages—a ritualistic spectacle of good intentions dressed up in cheap tinsel and wishful thinking.