Don Hall 9/17/18 Don Hall 9/17/18

I Believe… [Hurricanes Give CNN Staffers Boners]

…that as horrifying as the latest hurricane is/was, all I can see in my mind’s eye is CNN programmers furiously masturbating (with consent from the female staffers, of course) as the ratings go higher and higher because nothing sells ads more than American disasters.

Don Hall 9/10/18 Don Hall 9/10/18

I Believe… [The Positives of Trump]

…that if there is anything positive about the Trump presidency it is that all of a sudden, more of the citizenry is paying attention to the mechanics of governance and he's making every other president we've ever had look great.

Don Hall 9/3/18 Don Hall 9/3/18

I Believe… [The Popular Kids Were Assholes]

…that our adoration and covetousness for fame is absolutely no different than the quest to be popular in high school. And the popular kids in high school were mostly assholes.

Don Hall 8/27/18 Don Hall 8/27/18

I Believe... [Repentance is Like Shitting in One Hand and Wishing in the Other]

...that human actions are no more evil than a hurricane’s. We assign evil to problems as if repentance will solve them. Contrition is no more helpful to fixing society than looking at the floodwaters and winds and falling to your knees to pray and blame someone/something for them.

Don Hall 8/20/18 Don Hall 8/20/18

I Believe… [I Would've Taped Those Meetings, Too]

…that, while I’m no fan of Omarosa, it is fun watching her troll Trump in ways that make the Oval Office seem even more like a telenova.

Don Hall 8/13/18 Don Hall 8/13/18

I Believe... [And The Statuette Goes To Justin Bieber]

...that it was just a matter of time before the Academy Awards morphed into the MTV Movie Awards. “And the Oscar for Best Onscreen Kiss goes to...”

Don Hall 8/6/18 Don Hall 8/6/18

I Believe… [Embracing Your Emotional Superpower]

...that, when being forced to work with a former assistant who demonstrated mendacity, casual ruthlessness and generally low character in the past, being someone capable of compartmentalizing emotions and reactions is like a fucking superpower.

Don Hall 7/30/18 Don Hall 7/30/18

I Believe… [Things I Can Do Without]

…that, aside from venereal disease and being centipeded to someone who only eats Taco Bell, I can't think of almost anything I'd want less than a foldable smartphone.

Don Hall 7/23/18 Don Hall 7/23/18

I Believe... [WOLVERINES!]

...that Patrick Swayze wouldn't put up with this Russia bullshit.

Don Hall 7/16/18 Don Hall 7/16/18

I Believe… [Auto Insurance is a Scam]

…that the idea of insurance is a great one but the reality of getting your parked car hit by a drunk kid in his mom's truck with scam insurance and then having to negotiate the value of your car with your own insurance company that has determined the cosmetic damage is too costly to fix so fuck it, it's a total loss, we'll settle with you for a third of the resale value of the car is not so fucking great.

Don Hall 7/9/18 Don Hall 7/9/18

I Believe… ["Abolish ICE" at the Statue of Liberty is How We Should Be Resisting]

…that the protest of Therese Patricia Okoumou on the foot of the Statue of Liberty is an example of a strategic protest. The perfect symbolism, the perfect message, and it didn't require thousands of people staycationing for a couple of hours with clever signs.

Don Hall 7/2/18 Don Hall 7/2/18

I Believe… [The Hippie Enclave Will Protect Us From The Neo-Adolf]

…that America will never go the way of Nazi Germany if, for no other reason, Germany didn't have a one of the world's largest land masses completely inhabited by hippies and artists to push back. We have California. On the other hand, Hitler never had the fertile ground of regressive hate that is Florida.

Don Hall 6/25/18 Don Hall 6/25/18

I Believe… [Don't Underestimate the Machine]

...that the reason TrumpCo went ahead and treated immigrants at the border like animals in cages was to distract us while they tried to roll back Medicaid. Underestimating these assholes is exactly how they got in there in the first place.

Don Hall 6/18/18 Don Hall 6/18/18

I Believe… ["Unapologetic" is a Pass For Being an Asshole]

…that there is a razor's edge of difference between being "unapologetic" and being a narcissistic shitstain. Being confident in oneself and refusing to apologize for sucky behavior are not the same thing.

Don Hall 6/11/18 Don Hall 6/11/18

I Believe… [Parts and Motivations Unknown]

…that Anthony Bourdain left this realm with the same guts and bravado as he did in life. On his own terms and in his own time. We may not understand the reasons but not knowing shouldn't lessen our respect for the life he led and lessons he learned and shared.

Don Hall 6/4/18 Don Hall 6/4/18

I Believe… [A Cake By Any Other Frosting]

…that there's a reason that the wealthy are most often portrayed as the villains in popular culture and it isn't envy. It's reality. If your motivations in life are a soup of individualism, competition, and materialism you are the villain.

Don Hall 5/28/18 Don Hall 5/28/18

I Believe… [Black Lives Matter But Not More Than Football]

...that the simple answer is to not watch the NFL anymore. Yes, that would require so many to give up spectating a sport that exemplifies almost everything wrong with Americans in general (except for the sloth part): male, domestic abusing, drug addicts beating the shit out of each other for points and million dollar salaries.

Don Hall 5/21/18 Don Hall 5/21/18

I Believe… [Let People Enjoy the Goddamn Wedding, Already!]

…that, while I didn't watch the latest Royal Wedding, I'm not going to piss all ver people who love that stuff. The bitterness and acrimony of people who can't do anything but take a dump on someone enjoying the idea of romance and love in our crushingly depressing times is just more dung on the heap.

Don Hall 5/14/18 Don Hall 5/14/18

I Believe… [Stop Calling the Cops on Black People, OK?]

...that calling the police should be reserved for genuine emergencies. Anyone who calls the police because they are uneasy or uncomfortable or slightly suspicious should be fined. It's a trigger that should be, like all fucking triggers, only pulled when all other options are exhausted.

Don Hall 5/7/18 Don Hall 5/7/18

I Believe... [Trump & West Sell the Same Snake Oil]

...that with the definition of service animals to include emotional support animals (previously known as "pets"), soon there will be a new classification — emotional support animals for emotional support animals. Your nervous chihuahua with the IBS and shivers needs support, too. Get him a pet gerbil for his emotional support and every anxious person in America will begin looking like fucking Dr. Doolittle.