I Wrote a Letter
I was married and happy and not looking. But I went out on assignment to help him cultivate his fields, and something wild coursed through me. Something not cultivated, at all. I ended up writing him a letter:
I want to fuck your farm.
I want to curl my toes in the brown clay,
mash the wet soil under my arches,
squeeze the juice out of the squirming underground
and watch it bubble up out of the mud,
and over my heel,
and out from under the balls of my feet: musky.
insistent. warm like arterial blood.
Monkeys Typing
spanking my monkey
monkeys typing
the natives are restless
and they've got a lot to say
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 7, 2019
Easter was canceled. They found the body.
I Like to Watch | Pet Sematary (2019)
An evil cat is kind of an oxymoron but you get the drift.
American Shithole #55 | Who the Fuck is Candace Owens?
Black fucking Nazis, you say? Will wonders never cease? I tell you, this administration’s ability to unleash every festering boil of stupidity in this country, is absolutely astounding.
Trump is the Pied Piper of Batshit Crazy.
Circular Firing Squad | Like Dogs Howling at Sirens
Yes, we ignored Michelle Obama when she intoned “When they go low, we go high” because that wise advise didn’t suit our Neo-Left Progressive need to express our outrage and childish inability to reign in our self righteous anger.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The Barr Investigation into the Investigation of the Trump Campaign Investigation
The whole thing was tainted with anti-Trump bias from the start. According to the president who gave me this job.
The Old Lady Who Hated Halloween Put A Sign Up Letting Us Know
She felt that she shouldn’t have to be singled out, that the children shouldn’t be bothering people anyway and why not just do away with the practice on the block altogether instead of forcing her to put up some sign.
Getting Paid to Type as a Writer
Not everything has to be gold. Not everything has to be a bestseller. Most things won’t be either. But it’s nice to work toward something like that. Spending your days trying to leave something that will survive you, something that will separate you from the herd, something that your wife and kid and parents and grandparents and friends can be proud of. Something you can be proud of. Something that means anything to anyone anywhere. Even for a moment. Because if you can do that, then you’ve got proof to show the gods you’ve done something of value while you were here breathing the free air. It wasn’t a life spent taking; it was one that gave back, too.
![I Believe… [Be An Ally Who Doesn't Self Loathe]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1554343233197-QQM1OY0VG2NDO7GUSXYU/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Be An Ally Who Doesn't Self Loathe]
…that one can be a cis, heterosexual, white male in America and advocate for anti-racism and anti-sexism and LGTBQ rights without feeling guilty for being a cis, heterosexual, white male or campaigning against masculinity or whiteness.
All Lessons Matter Because the Children are Watching
As a former teacher, I think our ideas of teaching others has become somewhat skewed. It seems that teaching is somehow congruent with lecturing, admonishing, grading. While those are definitely methods used in the modern school system, it is not the most effective way to teach children. The most effective method to teach children is by example.
I Like to Watch | Serenity (2019)
It’s sexy. It’s as shallow as you’d expect from a noir plot. It’s atmospheric. It’s lyrical. And then it gets pretty fucked up.
I loved it.
Mommy Shaming
Whenever I left her in another’s care I was weighted down with excessive guilt because I know the pain this kid can unleash. But she only does it to me. And I couldn’t stop wondering why?
Mommy shaming. That’s why.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 31, 2019
Here’s a new term that must be incorporated into our lexicon: “Momsplaining.”
Momsplaining
/ˈmomˌsplāniNG/
noun INFORMAL
the explanation of something by a woman, typically a mother, and typically to a man such as her husband or boyfriend, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing (ironically enough).
SYNONYM: Wifesplaining
Problematic Movies of the ‘80s | National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)
I vaguely remember Clark being both a family man and a guy who’d fuck a supermodel in an instant, making him basically a middle-aged dude but still. Kind of a creep, right?
American Shithole #54 | Let the Frankening of Biden Begin
My least favorite faux-left cabal are the #MeToo rage junkies that ended Senator Al Franken’s career (as progressive a voice for women and equality as there ever has been in Congress) — and now you’ve got your sights on Biden.
Seriousy? It’s the END OF FUCKING DAYS and your priority is to go after Uncle Joe “Huggy” Biden?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Men Reclaim Words
My wife just had a hysterectomy. I have no idea what it is. It’s a woman’s body thing.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | My Non-Apology
Sometimes I feel like apologizing to dummies for their being dumb. And their dumbness leading to insecurity. And that their insecurity leads to a feeling of vulnerability which can be mistaken for a perception of being attacked.
I’m sorry you feel that way.
True Stories from the ER: Do You Have a Uterus?
Do you have a uterus? It is a question we should be allowed to ask in a hospital. Especially those who work in radiology, a field that could potentially end a pregnancy with X-rays. Because that’s what it’s all about. The sole purpose of a uterus is to house a developing fetus. And — no matter what you identify as — if you have a uterus we in the hospital need to know whether there’s a chance for pregnancy. Drugs, radiation, and certain procedures can harm or kill a fetus.
![I Believe… [Dressing Up Opinion as Gospel]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1553731847913-YNWFXUXDE4S7HNO3FE71/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Dressing Up Opinion as Gospel]
…that, if your demand is to confront and challenge but to avoid being confronted or challenged, “speaking your truth” is nothing more than hypocrisy. Your truth is not THE truth merely another aggrandizement of your opinion.
...that intense and deep aren’t the same thing even if you’ve convinced yourself they are. Intense is momentary and fleeting; deep is the result of time and energy.