Long Train Running: A Chicago Marathon Story | Chapter 1 — Ready, Set, Ouch
What was I thinking?
I’m running the Bank of America Chicago Marathon. Why? Because I’m forty. Because I haven’t run a marathon before. Because I need an excuse to get off my writer’s ass and move so I can live long enough to not die. Because I believe in the mission of Gilda’s Club Chicago and fundraising by running seems to be a pretty great way to get money out of your friends and family. So I am running as a member of Team Gilda.
But my god, I’m behind the ball on this.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 2, 2019
Does Elmo go to school? Because I wouldn’t mind seeing that little red monster take a bullet in a school shooting.
Whose Idea Is It Anyway? The Terminator, The Infinite Wrench, and BUGHOUSE!
The format [curated open mic storytelling] is a rich canvas for the different shows to create new improvements on the skeleton and flesh it out in their specific artistic way. The format wasn’t stolen or plagiarized in these cases so much as stripped of specificity and re-clothed in improvements, making wholly unique live experiences for a completely different audience.
Hank, Unedited
It's an early morning in September, twenty years in the future. MOM is driving her son HANK to school. Hank is an ordinary-looking child of 10 who suffers from a rare genetic disorder, Brittanicus Affectavus Horribulis.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Chillicothe Father of the Year
I can’t tell you about it in person, because I’m a telemarketer. Bound by honor to use the phone.
Americans LOVE Their Larger than Life Outlaws which is why Trump is Our Bruce Wayne
Take the billionaire who pretends to be one thing through lies and subterfuge and then breaks a list of laws to combat what he sees as crime and corruption. We love that guy. He’s a hero, right?
Who doesn’t love Batman?
TRUMP DUMP: An Easy Reader
Prologue
I’m Donald Trump and I am big.
![I Believe… [Your Delusion is Showing]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1559438110181-QH825KLS8XOW4C40MT2P/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Your Delusion is Showing]
…that if you see the world as an Either/Or proposition, a place of definable Good and Evil, and a belief that the righteous will prevail, you’re living in a delusion fueled by comic books, blockbuster movies, and religious propaganda. Go watch Requiem for a Dream, Glenngarry Glen Ross and Magnolia, and grow up.
The Family that Mood Swings Together Stays Together
At the time of this writing, my wife, Katie, is experiencing her period. My puppy, Molly, is also experiencing her period. They’ve both been pretty pissy. This morning, Harry, my one-year-old son collapsed to the floor and pounded his head on the hardwood in unbridled misery because I wouldn’t let him put the television remote control into the kitchen trashcan. All of my Apple devices are slowing down and I can’t wrap my head around navigating the storage on my hard drives and my cloud servers. It makes me want to pull my hair out and gag myself to death on it.
We’re not a happy home. We’re not an unhappy home either. We’re a moody home.
Burn Museums // Build Co-ops
An engorged pig sits in a stale pond, lapping at the stagnant water while the fish die. Its heavy, muffled breath does nothing to stir the sheet of algae growing on the surface.
Demand Accountability or Take Responsibility
Accountability is about making someone else do what we want them to do.
Responsibility is about making ourselves do what needs to be done.
Time to make a choice.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 26, 2019 — Birthday Edition
The best part about having a birthday as a married man is that for twenty-four hours, you’re 100 percent guaranteed that your wife won’t look at you like you’re a stupid idiot. It’s the best gift any happily married man can receive.
The Future Pool Queen and The Sweepstakes Cult - Vegas Notes
This meant I wouldn’t have to muster the push to go scything thru the crop of Nevada’s finest to get what I thought I might want. My new neighbors: some dirty, a few crusty, a number sunscorched right down into ugly, some tubby. Surprisingly even a few of the bitchy ones know how to smile back if you do it first. We’re all human, that’s certain.
Finding Three Pain Points — How to Sell Progress
My brief stint selling window replacements did garner me some insight on the process that, as I look out into our divided country, I can’t help but wonder if the technique used to get people to spend $30,000 to replace their windows might have some value in selling our most untenable ideas to one another.
The Minutes of our Last Meeting – Happy Memorial Day, Japan!
The ONLY justification for President Trump telling Japanese soldiers “Happy Memorial Day” is if he is flipping them the bird just before dropping another nuke on Tokyo.
Headlong
When resistance is futile, but you have to resist….
The Quest For a Mistake-Free Life
In this society, we are no longer allowed to make mistakes.
There is a paradox at play in that we are encouraged to gain experience in order to be employable yet the only path to truly valuable experience is to make mistakes and learn from them. No mistakes equals no genuine experience and Mobius Strip circles us like the spectre of failure writ constant.
![I Believe… [#trumpisjustareflection]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1558706555871-4XFMTTMXC9XP4MB9LFF0/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [#trumpisjustareflection]
…that the internet is the most sophisticated communication tool invented to date and the best we can figure out to do with it is to piss and moan about our pet causes and bully one another. #trumpisjustareflection
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part III
When I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to be famous but I didn’t know what wanting that really meant. I realized now that I just wanted to be seen.
Not That Big of a Deal Yet | Happy Birthday, David Himmel
David Himmel turns forty today. As usual, he didn’t plan ahead and botched his own birthday article. Enjoy!
How do you want to be defined? By one action? By some opinion that could evolve? By a mistake, regrettable only with hindsight? Or by the sum of your parts? Okay, do that for other people. Start the trend.