Enjoying the Perks of Novel Coronavirus COVID-19
COVID-19 is coming for our favorite food, our favorite professional sports league that doesn’t have cheating champion teams, and the one Baby Boomer white man of all America can get behind. Things seem bleak. But after spending forty years in this body and several thousands of dollars on therapy, I am well-equipped to find the silver lining in any situation. I’d tell you that I’m a positive person in moments of crisis, but I feel that telling you I’m positive in this climate would only scare you off.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Coronavirus Task Force Meeting
While you eat McNuggets, I will gladly plant my face in your tossed salad.
![I Believe… [Geriatric Politics]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1583438538813-P7C5ENIXT5Y02VQAKU92/IMG_2541.jpeg)
I Believe… [Geriatric Politics]
I believe… that the presidential race will look like two old men fighting over a parking spot for their matching Mercedes. The undercard should be Nancy Pelosi and Judge Judy wrestling in the grocery store over the last jar of pickles.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 1, 2020
POTUS matters. But nothing matters more than the Senate. No president—not Sanders, Biden, or Trump—can do all the good or ill they want if the Senate does its job right. If Trump wins, which he probably will, he’ll be rendered almost powerless if we can get the barnacles sucking at his disfigured taint out of office. Policy is law, law comes from legislators. Put the majority of your focus on the Capitol, not the White House.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Trump's Perfect Call to the CDC
I just wanted to tell you that I am doing a terrific job.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Official White House Response to the Caronavirus
We should also take all those cancer-causing windmills along the coasts and borders and point them out toward the oceans.
Christmas is a time for giving, being with family and friends, and hating every other asshole out there in the shops and on the roads also trying to spread joy and share in the Christmas spirit. Similarly, Hanukkah is a time for Jewish people to desperately try to feel relevant during Christmastime.