The End of These Unprecedented Times
In these unprecedented times… Unprecedented means never done or known before. So, every moment that comes is unprecedented. If we’re to believe that moments matter in the grand scheme of this exhausting, debilitating, and all too short life we live, which is governed entirely by time. Tick. Tock.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 15, 2020
Stop being so hard on yourself and everyone else. Just be social. Just be cool. Stop expecting so much from everything but have the ambition to make it all better. Then follow through.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Post-Election 2020 Edition
The Republican Party gained more ground locally, and even some nationally. The courts are full of conservative judges who have every opportunity to legislate from the bench. The fight rages on, and progress is still a little behind. We must be more tortoise and less hare. Mitch McConnell not only looks like a tortoise, he’s been playing the slow and stead game for a long time, which is why he’s winning.
Notes from the Post-it Wall |Week of November 1, 2020
I look forward to knowing the indisputable results of the presidential election so that we can enjoy our holiday season debating whether “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is a rape song or not. (It is. That’s how shit got done in President Truman’s America.)
Microsoft Teams is the Devil’s Tool
“This is no way to pray. This is no way to send our loved one off to the Great Beyond. To Heaven? I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore. I’m not even sure I was ever so sure at all.”
Typical Fr. Harrington. Always starting his sermons with a sense of existential dread and confusion. Topped off with a sprinkle of self-doubt. He’s the Woody Allen of Catholicism. He even had a questionable relationship with an ingénue at his old parish in Portland, Maine. That’s how he ended up here. In my church.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 25, 2020
I don’t want us to go back to normal. I want us to go forward to better.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 18, 2020
Man’s worst invention was the wife.
Woman’s biggest mistake was thinking changing her husband would end well.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 11, 2020
Most of the drunks I’ve come to know are really fun and funny people. I miss carousing with and observing with their kind. It’s not COVID’s fault—it’s the fault of age, responsibility, and domestication. The silver lining is that my two-year-old son often acts and talks like a drunkard, which quenches my thirst for being among fun lunatics with bad habits.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 4, 2020
Mike Pence is a virgin. I know he has kids—it doesn’t matter. Mike Pence is a virgin.
Zip, Zop, ZAP! Turn The Second City into a Laser Tag Arena
This Year of Our Lord, 2020, has revealed quite a few things about us. The recurring theme is that it’s high time our greatest institutions must die. The mighty must fall. So, as someone who interned at The Second City, went through several training programs, produced plays for its stages, here’s what I suggest happen to that theater: Turn it into a laser tag facility. Call it Zip, Zop, ZAP!
You may argue that now is not the time to open a new business, what with the pandemic and all. But laser tag is the perfect pandemic business.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 27, 2020
An adherence to the Myth of American Exceptionalism is a comfort from hardships and bad day, and that which we cannot control. It is religion. It is a baby blanket. It is our emotional support animal. Its most fervent supporters and believers are our nation’s biggest babies.
It’s Time to Stop Caring About Our Country and Start Caring About Ourselves
A nation is never greater than the sum of its parts. Thinking so is, and has been, our well-followed roadmap to destruction. Because we make up the nation. We, as a collective of units, are the nation. It is not us.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 20, 2020
Fall is always in such a rush to get here. Spring refuses to leave. Summer is a fair-weather friend, and winter is a drunken old bastard with an axe to grind.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 13, 2020
The change of the seasons was far more enjoyable when I was younger. It meant a new school year, new clothes, new classes, new girlfriends. Now it means I have to put on more clothes to walk the dog.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 6, 2020
The seasonal change from summer to fall should depress you. It’s the sign that things are about to die. Leaves on the ground are the carcasses of nature’s annual genocide.
Notes form the Post-it Wall | Week of August 30, 2020
If archeologists happened to find the body of Christ—proof he didn’t go to heaven—that would automatically make every Christian either a Jew or a Muslim. Wouldn’t that be fun?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 23, 2020
If the police want us to stop claiming they are untrustworthy petulant children, they need to stop acting like untrustworthy petulant children.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 16, 2020
There is rarely a situation I won’t put myself in. You get a better experience at the zoo by being in the cage.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 9, 2020
Comparing tragedies and grievances often expose your passive racism. Be careful. More importantly, please be aware.
I Built You, And You Served Me Well
I was looking for you—exactly you.
Dark wood, plenty of drawers, old-timey, affordable.
My smile nearly broke my face when I found you on display in that Las Vegas Office Depot.
Three hundred bucks was the top of my budget.
You were well worth it.
Having a good set of lips to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve won’t ensure you a great year, but it’s a helluva good start.