...that life is laundry. It’s a pain in the ass, seems completely pointless but, man, it’s grand to have a pair of clean underwear.

...that the excuse for one’s poor behavior “it’s a cultural thing” is its own form of casual racism—being on time, respecting the time of others, and functioning for the benefit of the whole have nothing to do with culture.

...that a monster truck event at a rural state fair is just a different sort of Pride parade.

...that the unexamined life is not worth living (Socrates). The over-examined life is just a drag.

...that most people out in the world have wildly misinterpreted what the word ‘community’ means.

...that the answer to the question “What did I do to deserve this?” is “You lived long enough to endure it.” Any other answer is a fairy tale or self flaggelation.

...that no single person should ever order a large pizza with the intent of saving some for the next few days. It’s a lie you tell yourself and you will fall for it every time.

...that when confronted with a name-dropper, the best course of action is to counter-name drop fictional bands. “Yeah. I saw the Anal Beads in a dive bar before they became big! The lead singer of the Flaming Colonoscopy Bags once bought me a beer in between sets.”