Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 5, 2020
I think Donald Trump’s biggest problem is that he didn’t spent enough time around campfires as a kid.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Independence Day Edition
Seeing giant American flags draped across giant crosses as I drive through central Illinois… I love how the irony of crucifying the flag is completely lost on these patriots.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 21, 2020
Other than a sailboat, a soundproof booth with a mic and headphones is my favorite place to be.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 14, 2020
The thing that’s most making me miserable is how much I don’t care about a growing number of things that used to matter to me.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 9, 2020
City rats are persistent little fuckers. Trump supporters are as persistent like city rats, too. They keep eating his shit and no matter how often he sets traps to kill them or fills in their burrows, they come back for more. Trump supporters and city rats are a lot alike. The big difference is that city rats are far more intelligent.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 24, 2020
You can trust a cop, but you’re a fool to trust the police.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 17, 2020
Is there anything in the world cuter than a toddler parroting back to you, “Goddammit! Jesus…”? The answer is yes. That same toddler parroting back to you, “The fuck is your problem?”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 10, 2020
A lot of people have gotten new puppies during this pandemic. Look, if you need an excuse to go outside, just start smoking. It’s cheaper and cleaner. And I’ve never had to scrub cigarette poo-poo out of a carpet.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 3, 2020
I wonder what the COVID-19 memorial will look like. No doubt it’ll dwarf the Vietnam War Memorial. My hope is that the biggest difference between the two is that Trump’s name will be one of them.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 26, 2020
Our home is so filthy, there’s a 30 percent chance my beard is just a gathering of my dog’s shedded hair.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 19, 2020
If your concern over stay-at-home orders is because of the negative impact it may have on mental health, fuck you. Where was your concern over mental health before you couldn’t get your Starbucks each day?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 12, 2020
Walked past the nice homeless guy who hangs around outside my 7-11. He said, “Hey, man! I love your dog, you know!” I said, “Hey, buddy! How’re you doing?” He said, “I’m proud to be American!” And that right there… There is no greater exchange to exemplify how terribly mental illness impacts the homeless community.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 4, 2020
The religious and passively observant religious welcome spring by celebrating two of the Bible’s most violent and frightening stories. Among the abandoning and killing of children, general death and destruction, and zombies ascending to heaven, I do hope you can stop to enjoy the smell of tulips in bloom.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 29, 2020
Humor is not a universal language. It is, by nature and design, intended for siloing. Even the greatest broad comedy has its haters. The closest thing to universally accepted comedy is Jay Leno and, c’mon, fuck Jay Leno.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 22, 2020
My son, like so many other two-year-olds, loves ambulances and firetrucks. To occupy him, I’ll sometimes let him watch 9/11 news reports on YouTube.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 15, 2020
This COVID-19 pandemic is worse than 9/11 because we can’t hug each other.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 9, 2020
Slowly but surely, if the U.S. doesn’t get its hands and head around this pandemic, it will consume us. It will destroy the markets because of fear, quarantines, and no one spending. We’ll crumble before we come out of it. And our leader is so unbelievably clueless to it. The health officials have to contradict him with the facts at every turn. Everyone thought it was a joke. Nope. Idiots. All of us. And Tom Hanks is going to die. That is our ultimate punishment.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 1, 2020
POTUS matters. But nothing matters more than the Senate. No president—not Sanders, Biden, or Trump—can do all the good or ill they want if the Senate does its job right. If Trump wins, which he probably will, he’ll be rendered almost powerless if we can get the barnacles sucking at his disfigured taint out of office. Policy is law, law comes from legislators. Put the majority of your focus on the Capitol, not the White House.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 23, 2020
Purity is a fallacy.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 17, 2020
I’m in Waco for work today. And you know what they say: “When in Waco, do as the Branch Davidians do.” So I’ll be making a stop at the Silos to have a cupcake and buy a candle. The candle will then be used to burn down a compound.
How do you want to be defined? By one action? By some opinion that could evolve? By a mistake, regrettable only with hindsight? Or by the sum of your parts? Okay, do that for other people. Start the trend.