From the Archives: Unpacking Branson: A Thanksgiving Improbability
For Thanksgiving in 2012, I was single and Mom decided that I should come out to my step-sister's place in Branson, Missouri for a good old-fashioned country Thanksgiving. The carrot was family. The stick was Missouri.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Second Thanksgiving
Squanto - White grubs have crawled into it. William - Those are marshmallows.
Problematic Movies of the ’80s | Porky’s (1981)
Honestly, in getting ready for this one, I procrastinated for a few days. I didn’t really want to watch Porky’s again. The poster image is of a dude peeping at a woman in a shower, for chrissakes! After Bachelor Party, I felt like watching another would feel like punishment but this is the trap I’ve set for myself, so on a Friday afternoon, I sat down and hit play.
Tomorrow Will Be Late
She kept running. Wind whipped at our hair and the frenzy in the silhouette was beautiful. I had never been out this far before. Hard to believe home was tucked into one of those cobalt corners of stylized steel that loomed like a frozen storm at the horizon. And so too when I turned again there another storm right in front of me.
I Believe… [Beware The Golden Rule If You're An Asshole]
…that in the spirit of the Golden Rule, if you have decided it’s appropriate to harass people on the street or in front of their homes to make a political point, you deserve exactly the same treatment when taking your kids out to Chuck E. Cheese.
"You’ll Never See His Like Again!": Revisiting Comics Legend Stan Lee’s Best, Most Literary (and Vastly Underrated) Story, The Silver Surfer (1978)
Lee wrote so many masterpieces of comics literature, but this one is his best because it best speaks to the principle he and his characters lived by: Never succumb to nihilism and despair. Never forget that we are similar in our anxieties and weaknesses, and that our individual identities matter less than our collective aspiration to improve our world and the lives of the people who inhabit it.
Puppet, Pauper, Pirate, Poet, Pawn & King
We’re moving to Las Vegas!
Did I Just Witness a #MeToo Moment?
So, did I just witness a #MeToo moment? Was I the guy who pushed through her personal space? Did I assault her sensibilities? Did I make her feel uncomfortable?
Maybe. Probably. But I doubt she’ll make a big deal of it to her friends — assuming she has any. I think that young woman operates in a state of perpetual annoyance. The city and its people and its Starbucks electrical outlets are nothing more than inconveniences hellbent on ruining her day. It’s her world and the rest of us are mere pigeons shitting on her head.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 11, 2018
This Thanksgiving, let’s remember that this year’s holiday falls on the 65th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. So let’s be thankful that most of us won’t experience having our spouse’s skull and brains splattered all over our designer outfit while riding in a convertible. I bet Jackie even got some brain matter in her mouth. Gross. Pumpkin pie is so much better, I’m sure.
American Shithole #34 — Perhaps This Time We Shouldn’t Forgive?
There is a part of me that wants your vote to count in a way you never imagined. I want your vote for fascism to matter. I want a fiscal rebuke of the millions of miserable idiots handing this one-man societal wrecking-ball a blank fucking check.
The Tea Party Cage Match
I’d love nothing more than to have two Tea Parties in place because the fierceness of the fight would be electric but it all plays into the WWE Wrestling Reality TV government that favors the Trumps of DC rather than the calm, reflective and sober rationality of folks who can truly govern.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – How Not to Shoot Black People
Haggard – Can’t shoot any black people if there are no more black people to shoot.
Being Reminded that You are Disposable isn’t Fun but it’s Necessary
George Bailey wasn’t special. He was, on most faces of it, a real loser. That’s why he decided to end it all — he was a failure from the lens of post-modern success. Clarence didn’t change his mind, he shifted his perspective away from himself to those who surrounded him.
Pick Up At The Bar
The red door is near, faded and worn from the hands of so many patrons. From the quiet sidewalk, the din is growing. In the pretense of the holidays, the flock gathers at their flowing altar and pray long hours deep into their bottles. They cheer at sports, they laugh about each other’s lives. Farmers, factory workers, caregivers, teachers. The little town’s heartbeat throbs inside where the air is dark and the fragrance of stale cigarettes sits in the back of throats.
I Believe… [We Need a Purple Wave in Two Years]
…that we had us a bona fide Blue Wave and took back the House like a Boss but the Other Guys increased their hold on the Senate and we now have some serious persuading to do to pull off 2020. Gonna need a Purple Wave to win that one.
Whataboutism's For Kids!
There seem to be a lot of insurmountable differences between certain factions and, of course, not all differences can be worked out. That’s depressing sometimes. However, a lot fewer differences can be worked out by encouraging as many as will accept and understand the idea that absolutism and Whataboutism aren’t the only ways to understand morality.
the pursuit of happiness
thoughts of suicide make me happy
nice to know there's a way out
even if I don't take that exit route just yet
glad to know it's there
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Bachelor Party (1984)
Is it possible that I was indelibly stupid as a teenager? It must be possible (indeed, probable) if I found anything remotely funny about this film. I mean, in rewatching it, I had to pause the movie five times just to get up and remind myself to keep watching.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 4, 2018
I can’t think of more than three or four time when my parents embarrassed me. Of those, none were major infractions. The embarrassment was fleeting at best. I’m sure I’ll embarrass my son at some point. My goal is to not do anything that he’ll be ashamed of. You know, the way Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ kids will likely be ashamed of their mother. At least, I hope they will be. If they’re not then she’ll have done a great job of raising sociopaths.
The Reasons Behind the Shooter: At Some Point, It Doesn’t Matter WHY
“… if we understand the Why, we can do something to prevent it in the future. Yet, we often don’t. What we do instead is to allow our cave drawing comprehension of why to create excuses.”
If you find yourself quoting Gordon Gekko like he’s a life coach, go outside, hug a tree, and punch yourself in the throat.