The Throwing Caution to the Wind When Caution is Warranted
As we stand on the precipice of 2021, maybe it's time to look hard at those risks and determine to throw caution to the wind. I mean, seriously, what have you got to lose? Death is inevitable, life is a choice.
2020! - The Zack Snyder Cut
Featuring Jesse Eisenberg as Donald Trump, Ben Affleck as Rudy Giuliani, and Jon Voight as Rush Limbaugh.
Primo
“I’m gonna do the dago hop on my 80th birthday. I’ll be good by then.” Primo struggled to slide off Dr. Anthony Choy’s exam table.
“The Dago hop?” Dr. Choy asked.
“It’s an Italian folk dance.” Romolo, Primo’s son, answered.
Nightmare Carpet
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I Believe… [Bitcoin Slots]
I believe... that cryptocurrency, the stock market, and throwing money into a slot machine are all identical processes for gaining wealth without working.
Wonder Woman 1984 Couldn’t Save the Story
Wonder Woman 1984 was a disappointment. And not as much for me as for Diana and Wonder Woman. And for actor Gal Gadot. She was robbed of an interesting story. There is no character development in WW84 for our hero. Diana is in the exact same place as she was at the end of the first film.
Conspiracy Theorists Are Simply CosPlaying to Avoid Crushing Reality
Conspiracy theories grow during times of institutional failure. If you can't have the life you were promised by your personal and flawed interpretation of the "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" clause at least you can paint yourself as a hero struggling against a greater evil. You can be a knight or a superhero or a great revolutionary.
Unforging Marley's Chain: Redemption is Possible
For me, it's those fucking chains of Marley that give me pause. Link by link, and yard by yard. The chain we forge in life.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Christmas Movies Edition
The most unrealistic thing about Home Alone is that Fuller, a bedwetter, would have also overslept.
I am Santa Claus: A Parenting Journey
Christmas Eve. Just after somewhere between 7:30 and 8:57-ish at night. My wife was hurried away in the kitchen preparing tomorrow morning’s breakfast—an egg casserole that’ll put hair on your mother’s balls. Delicious. I was lulling the child to sleep with three books. One about trucks, another about construction trucks, and the third, Goodnight Moon.
One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure
Do you know the history of the White Elephant?
Oh, the storied tales of White Elephant Christmases gone by! The triumph and defeat! The never-ending variations on the tradition from family to family, office to office! I am giddy just thinking about it. But first, let me back up for those who know not of the White Elephant.
Christmissed Connections
You had on a mask and a face shield. Or, after seeing you, a face chic (wink).
A Troubling Hare
I have a lot of problems. Let me restate that. A lot of problems have me. Having a problem is an illusion. It implies I have control over that problem. I don’t. The problem has control over me.
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I Believe... [Bisexual Marvel]
...that making Starlord from “Guardians of the Galaxy” bisexual presents a conundrum for Chris Pratt: continue to “act” the role or do some method preparation and fellate at least three dudes for some sort of ideological purity?
A Missed Opportunity
Hunting rats and my desire to kill them was the first topic of conversation my wife and I had when we met. She said I should not have been walking the alley behind my apartment with a small bb gun shooting at them because they had a right to be there. She wasn’t wrong. But neither was I. Fuck rats. Kill them all.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Favorite 2020 Conspiracies Edition
Kamala Harris is only a Black woman so Biden could get the white liberal woman vote.
The Highest of All Arts and the Path Away from Trump
The highest of all arts, indeed.
Compromise is about building something rather than destroying something. It is about looking past the obvious differences and finding the more substantial similarities. It is humanist rather than racist or sexist. It is a stretch of the perspective to encompass all of us rather than some of us. Compromise and the commitment to do so is a rebuke to othering, aversion, and moralizing.
A Letter from Santa’s Lawyers to Donald Trump
Mr. Giuliani gets lumps of coal from the North Pole every year which he uses as hair dye.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside" 2020 Edition
He: Beautiful watch you're wearing
She: My father will be pacing the floor—Wait, what about my watch?
He: Listen to the fireplace roar
She: No. This isn’t about the fireplace. Look, really, I'd better scurry
He: Okay. That’s fair. Text me tomorrow. I’ll get you a Lyft.
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I Believe… [Why Parler Failed]
...that it turns out people who troll on social media are not addicted to sharing ideas but to calling each other names. Hence, the rapid rise and rapid fall of Parler.
How do you want to be defined? By one action? By some opinion that could evolve? By a mistake, regrettable only with hindsight? Or by the sum of your parts? Okay, do that for other people. Start the trend.