Don Hall 5/17/21 Don Hall 5/17/21

I Believe... [Children Listen]

I believe... that if you treat people like children, they learn to behave like children.

Don Hall 5/3/21 Don Hall 5/3/21

I Believe... [Parsing Out Sensitivity]

I believe... that we should all be more sensitive but not be more sensitive. The former is about simple politeness, the latter is about myopic self-centeredness.

Don Hall 4/26/21 Don Hall 4/26/21

I Believe… [Irrelevant Academy]

...that while my interest in the Oscars has dwindled over the years I can’t recall ever having so much indifference to them than I do the year of lecture-y depression and social justice movies.

Don Hall 4/19/21 Don Hall 4/19/21

I Believe... [COPS]

...that a policeman who can’t tell the difference between a taser and a pistol should not have a pistol ever.

Don Hall 4/12/21 Don Hall 4/12/21

I Believe... [Valid Feelings/Invalid Response]

...that your feelings are always valid but your reaction may not be an appropriate response. Your anger is valid; your follow-up tantrum combined with destroying property is not. Your desire for attention is valid; your follow-up shit-tweeting to get it is not.

Don Hall 4/5/21 Don Hall 4/5/21

I Believe... [The Bacon of Journalism]

...that the internet is the bacon of journalism if journalism was vegan and temptation to cut corners and justify bullshit got them a taste of that delicious pig.

Don Hall 3/29/21 Don Hall 3/29/21

I Believe... [It's the Guns, Morons]

...that the “needs of the many” are answered in bans on automatic, semi-automatic and pump-action shotguns.

Don Hall 3/22/21 Don Hall 3/22/21

I Believe... [GenX Bliss]

I believe… that one of the current thrills of being GenX today is that I couldn’t give two shits about what’s going in any university, with Teen Vogue, or the Grammies.

Don Hall 3/15/21 Don Hall 3/15/21

I Believe... [Time for Some Old Fashioned Filibuster Reform]

...that bringing back the “you have to talk the whole fucking time” filibuster is the key to bipartisanship. Put your mouth where that dirty money was, ass-to-mouthers.

Don Hall 3/8/21 Don Hall 3/8/21

I Believe... [Survival is like Nipple Glue]

...that the daily battle between plodding through each day to survive on most levels and motivating yourself to do better, be better, is like nipple glue on the pastie of an athletic burlesque performer—barely hanging on from dance to dance.

Don Hall 3/1/21 Don Hall 3/1/21

I Believe… [A Potato Has No Gender, Idiots]

I believe… that if the renaming of “Mr. Potatohead” to “Potatohead” is the hill you’re going to die on, you may need to get some sort of professional evaluation.

Don Hall 2/22/21 Don Hall 2/22/21

I Believe... [Rush Who?]

I believe... that hearing that Rush Limbaugh has passed on affects me much in the same way as when I hear about someone I heard yelling about something once in a high school auditorium and then promptly blocked the memory from existence.

Don Hall 2/15/21 Don Hall 2/15/21

I Believe... [ Grogu is the Unifier]

...that the fact that we all find Grogu fucking adorable indicates that we all are far more similar than we are different.

Don Hall 2/8/21 Don Hall 2/8/21

I Believe... [Freedom is Harder Than Previously Advertised]

I believe... that the revival of cultural conformity and political zealotry shows that freedom is not as easy as we assumed.

Don Hall 2/1/21 Don Hall 2/1/21

I Believe... [Do I Get Paid to Be Old Now?]

…that turning fifty-five years old this week has officially made me an old curmudgeon in the professional sense. I hope I get my badge and sash soon.

Don Hall 1/25/21 Don Hall 1/25/21

I Believe... [Some of the Kids Are Alright]

...that for every instance of an Amanda Gorman or Greta Thunberg, there are 50,000 GenZ kids snorting crushed Sour Patch candy and arguing adamantly about a video they saw on TikTok so contain your need to claim that the kids are adults.

Don Hall 1/18/21 Don Hall 1/18/21

I Believe... [in Public Dildo Stories]

...that the problem with telling a dildo story in a off-shoot casino bar and grill is that there might be a kid somewhere in the room who will overhear it. On the other hand, any kid today who hasn’t heard about dildos is far too sheltered with the ideological plastic helmet to survive past ten years old.

Don Hall 1/11/21 Don Hall 1/11/21

I Believe... [Switching Out Identifiers Exposes the Game]

I believe... that if changing “white” to “black” or “men” to “women” in your polemic makes you suddenly sound like a Southern politician from 1950, you’re a bigot and a sexist.

Don Hall 1/4/21 Don Hall 1/4/21

I Believe... [Ted Wheeler is a Bit Late]

I believe... that after ten months of the Antifa crowd burning Portland to the ground at the drop of any ideological excuse, Mayor Ted Wheeler’s admonition for the continued vandalism under the guise of persistent protest seems a bit late to the game.

Don Hall 12/28/20 Don Hall 12/28/20

I Believe… [Bitcoin Slots]

I believe... that cryptocurrency, the stock market, and throwing money into a slot machine are all identical processes for gaining wealth without working.