Hair Club for Dicks
I had never fallen this fast. Usually it takes me at least five dates to develop even a smidgen of feelings. This was different.
American Shithole #45 | D Minus Still Passes, Right Roger Stone?
Aliens only stop here when their intergalactic junker breaks down, or when they’ve foolishly run out of space gas — so every once in a long while, one of them gets stranded.
Here’s what I’m thinking… I’m pretty sure they left us Roger Stone.
Illiterate Mother
As her heritage suggests, she was a strict mother during my teen years. Like a ninja figuring out a booby trap, I had to figure out how to navigate her stringent parental skills. My abilities peaked when it came to dating.
American Shithole #44 | No Darling for Disinterested Davos
Luckily, American Shithole managed to sneak one of our top investigative reporters into the World Economic Forum — where a surprising number of billionaires felt comfortable expressing their complete lack of empathy on the record. Here are a few choice statements:
American Shithole #43 | GOP Senators are the Embodiment of Cowardice
I hope we get to hold them down and carve a giant “T” into their thick fucking skulls before this is all over — although I imagine history has far worse in store for them. The “T” is for Traitor, of course, although that word will become synonymous with Trump in due time.
American Shithole #42 | Three Really Old Vampires Frightened and Bored the New Vampires in America Today
Wow, what a snooze-fest from all three of those (in)dentured fossils. I’ve seen livelier performances from Keanu Reeves in a sadness meme.
Me Too & Oversharing & Dick Pics ... OH MY!
Have you ever had an overwhelming feeling that you should not go out with the guy you’ve been chatting with online? Naturally, I met him at Old Town Pour House.
Required Watching: Minding The Gap (2018)
What Liu has captured really well are the moments of vivid and candid self-awareness they have when they address it, specifically with Zack and his girlfriend, Nina, discussing their cycle of domestic violence, and how it could affect their child. And as trapped as they are, the movie shows this as a result of not just their circumstances, but how they understand and navigate them day to day.
American Shithole #41 | 2018: Year in the Rear
Let’s get this out of the way: 2018 blew horrid chunks of shame and embarrassment all across the dance floor — not unlike a certain drunk freshman I can recall over-imbibing at a Syracuse sorority party he had no business attending — certainly requiring decades of scouring to remove the stench.
Well, the party’s almost over, and it’s time we all started sobering up.
American Shithole #40 | Christmas Tidings 2018
Oddly, I love Christmastime, which may be weird for an atheist, but not uncommon. I have plenty of atheist and agnostic friends that love Christmas too. I have fond memories of the season, which I am sure accounts for more than half my favor for the yearly celebration — I mean, what’s not to like about holiday music, gift-giving, mashed potatoes (with lots of gravy), friends, family, and the general merriment of yuletide cheer?
American Shithole #39 | 2018 Year in the Rear (Preview)
Unfortunately, not everyone made it. I know one little girl separated from her parents by Border Patrol that isn’t going to find any of the 2018 Year in the Rear review humorous. Which one, you ask? Well, the dead one, of course — the dead girl.
Happy holidays!
American Shithole #38 | Digital to IRL
We’ve seen what connecting the world can do — wonderful things with Caturdays for everyone indeed — but mostly, Facebook provides charlatans and two-bit grifters with a platform to fleece more humans in less time than ever fleeced before.
American Shithole #37 | The Redaction Game and a Farewell to a Softer, Kinder Dildo
So yeah, not quite the sendoff I gave that miserable fuck from Arizona, but it is technically the holiday season, and in the spirit of giving, I guess I’ll just leave it at that.
Too Close for Comfort... Inn
Six months into the relationship, Dan proposed something that forever changed the course of their relationship.
He invited her to Las Vegas.
American Shithole #36 | The Waiting Game
I just want to know the truth.
“I’ve been sitting in the waiting room forever, doc, give it to me straight — how bad is my country?”
“I’m afraid you have late-stage four Klepto-Capitalism; it’s malignant, and left untreated, it’s terminal.”
“Any good news, doc?”
“Not really.”
Literacy as Listening
American Shithole #35 — Happy Thanksgiving!
I sure would like to take December off and write about some stupid fucking British television show I absolutely love for a change.
American Shithole #34 — Perhaps This Time We Shouldn’t Forgive?
There is a part of me that wants your vote to count in a way you never imagined. I want your vote for fascism to matter. I want a fiscal rebuke of the millions of miserable idiots handing this one-man societal wrecking-ball a blank fucking check.
American Shithole #33 — Thank You, America
America will not fall to tyranny. Make no mistake, despite herculean efforts by some of the worst people in the world — sanity prevailed. The descent into Authoritarian Fascism is no longer in free-fall. We will not go gentle into that good night.
American Shithole #32 | Other People
Whatever happens, whether we are reinvigorated or crestfallen, I’m proud that so many Americans are taking a stand. I’m sorry I couldn’t take even five fucking paragraphs this week to thank you.
Thank you, other people.
I had a boy dog who peed like a girl dog. I now have a girl dog who pees like a boy dog. Gender is fluid. Just like pee.