Don Hall 2/4/19 Don Hall 2/4/19

I Believe… [Why Billionaires Shouldn't Run For Public Office]

…that the notion that billionaires are more qualified than others to run the country is founded on the capitalist belief that CEOs are somehow better leaders due to their success in swindling others to amass an unnecessary and obscene fortune. Creating wealth is a fundamentally selfish pursuit; civil service is a selfless occupation. We shouldn’t mix the two.

Don Hall 1/28/19 Don Hall 1/28/19

I Believe… [No. You Come See MY Show...]

…that in the wake of goodbyes and farewells associated with leaving Chicago, your request that I come see your show before I leave is just so baldly self-promotional it renders me cold and crunchy.

Don Hall 1/21/19 Don Hall 1/21/19

I Believe… [154 Days Per Bullet]

…that six and three-quarters years is not a sentence for sixteen shots.

Don Hall 1/14/19 Don Hall 1/14/19

I Believe… [But Th-Th-They Do It, Too!]

…that the act of pointing out the bad behavior of others when confronted with your own is the act of a child. This is true for presidents, improv comedians, and people caught littering.

Don Hall 1/7/19 Don Hall 1/7/19

I Believe… [The Monotony of Public Outrage]

…that when outrage becomes so normal and monotonous that the expression of it is merely annoying rather than inspiring, perhaps a step back is necessary. I’m not tone policing, I’m tone suggesting.

Don Hall 12/31/18 Don Hall 12/31/18

I Believe... [Advertisers Should Die Uncomfortably]

..that after spending a week plus in Kansas, I can say that the worst thing about this country and the lives of a vast swath of its citizens is having to endure television advertising. Fucking Geico commercials can destroy even Godfather Part II. It’s like having an annoying 14-year old keep interrupting your show every fifteen minutes to poke you in the chest repeatedly, make armpit farts, and twerk to mouth-made beats. For three fucking hours.

Don Hall 12/24/18 Don Hall 12/24/18

I Believe… [Christmas Layoffs Are the Spawn of Hell]

…that any company that fires someone just before Christmas should be burned to the ground. That includes lauded comedy institutions, banks, orphanages, and indie record stores.

Don Hall 12/17/18 Don Hall 12/17/18

I Believe… [Channeling Gump]

…that, in the spirit of Forrest Gump, racist is what racist does rather than what racist says.

Don Hall 12/10/18 Don Hall 12/10/18

I Believe.. [At Least He's Number One in Scandals]

…that this Mueller investigation has patiently and methodically put together nothing short of the most corrupt and systematic presidential scandal in history.

Don Hall 12/3/18 Don Hall 12/3/18

I Believe… ["Ruby's Tears": Band or Craft Beer?]

...that the naming of craft beers has now eclipsed the art of naming both bands and albums.

Don Hall 11/26/18 Don Hall 11/26/18

I Believe... [Warning: Strobe Lights and Personal Castigation Ahead]

...that, in the spirit of appropriate trigger warnings, can we have some that warn us that a comedy show will be more like a lecture on how awful white guys are?

Don Hall 11/19/18 Don Hall 11/19/18

I Believe… [Beware The Golden Rule If You're An Asshole]

…that in the spirit of the Golden Rule, if you have decided it’s appropriate to harass people on the street or in front of their homes to make a political point, you deserve exactly the same treatment when taking your kids out to Chuck E. Cheese.

Don Hall 11/12/18 Don Hall 11/12/18

I Believe… [We Need a Purple Wave in Two Years]

…that we had us a bona fide Blue Wave and took back the House like a Boss but the Other Guys increased their hold on the Senate and we now have some serious persuading to do to pull off 2020. Gonna need a Purple Wave to win that one.

Don Hall 11/5/18 Don Hall 11/5/18

I Believe… [Your Opinion Is Only Really Valuable On Election Day]

…that best reason to go out and vote is to give your voice and opinion an opportunity to contribute to something more than Zuckerberg’s bottom line.

Don Hall 10/29/18 Don Hall 10/29/18

I Believe… [Shaming People is The Least Creative Approach]

…that shaming people for not voting is still shaming people. Persuade them or suffer the consequences of your lack of creative effort.

Don Hall 10/22/18 Don Hall 10/22/18

I Believe… [Can I Just Eat My Omelette?]

…that once you’ve hit a point of notoriety in town when people who know who you are but have never met you already have a negative opinion of you see you in a local restaurant and feel strongly enough about it to make a scene, perhaps its time to run for office.

Don Hall 10/15/18 Don Hall 10/15/18

I Believe… [Doubling Down on Losing]

…that nothing screams “LOSER!” like someone so fully committed to a decades-long losing political strategy that it seems righteous to continue to defend it despite all evidence that demonstrates its ineffectiveness. This includes proponents of both Trickle Down Economics and Identity Politics.

Don Hall 10/8/18 Don Hall 10/8/18

I Believe.. [Maybe They Should've Called It "Turdsie"]

…that, if you’re going to adapt Tootsie for the stage as a musical, perhaps a focus on creating memorable songs, a believable narrative and avoiding a ball peen hammer approach to modernizing it for the #MeToo zeitgeist might be a better way to go.

Don Hall 10/1/18 Don Hall 10/1/18

I Believe… [Go to the Gym Anyway…]

…that the days you really don’t want to go to the gym — making excuses, promising yourself that you’ll fast that day if only you can skip — but do are the days that matter most.

Don Hall 9/24/18 Don Hall 9/24/18

I Believe… [The Real Resistance is Happening on Twitter and Fortnite]

…that feeling anxiety, victimized, or unjustly treated no longer makes you special or interesting. Your many ineffective tweets at @therealDonaldTrump and Fortnite ranking does.