Don Hall 12/21/20 Don Hall 12/21/20

I Believe... [Bisexual Marvel]

...that making Starlord from “Guardians of the Galaxy” bisexual presents a conundrum for Chris Pratt: continue to “act” the role or do some method preparation and fellate at least three dudes for some sort of ideological purity?

Don Hall 12/14/20 Don Hall 12/14/20

I Believe… [Why Parler Failed]

...that it turns out people who troll on social media are not addicted to sharing ideas but to calling each other names. Hence, the rapid rise and rapid fall of Parler.

Don Hall 12/7/20 Don Hall 12/7/20

I Believe... [Who’s Fragile Again?]

I believe... that it’s interesting how people who are enraged, offended, and describe everything they dislike as ‘violence & harm’ believe that it is everyone else who is showing ‘fragility.’

Don Hall 11/30/20 Don Hall 11/30/20

I Believe… [Racial Cannibals]

I believe... that when white people say things like “White people are the worst” it reminds me of cartoon cows advertising the deliciousness of beef.

Don Hall 11/23/20 Don Hall 11/23/20

I Believe… [Free College is Righteous]

I believe... that cancelling existing college debt and making college free for those in lower economic circumstance are excellent ideas. Adding public service as a condition is even better.

Don Hall 11/16/20 Don Hall 11/16/20

I Believe… [Harris is a Woman Vice President]

I believe... that anyone referring to the Vice President as a “menstruator” is an idiot (unless they’re talking about Pence).

Don Hall 11/9/20 Don Hall 11/9/20

I Believe… [It Wasn’t Great Before Trump]

...that after a week of election drama and four years of Trump, we can finally get back to arguing about climate change, being afraid of mass shootings, and the difficulties of online dating.

Don Hall 11/5/20 Don Hall 11/5/20

I Believe… [Post Election Special]

I believe… that more people voted in this election than any since 1900. The most obvious and indisputable will of the population has been tallied. We are almost evenly split.

Don Hall 11/2/20 Don Hall 11/2/20

I Believe… [In Biden]

I believe... that Joe Biden will be the next President of the United States.

Don Hall 10/26/20 Don Hall 10/26/20

I Believe… [Clean Your Room!]

I believe… that being excited that Americans are voting in record numbers is like that feeling when your fat, lazy, angry teenager finally cleans his stinky room.

Don Hall 10/19/20 Don Hall 10/19/20

I Believe… [Skipping Halloween?]

I believe… that maybe we can skip Halloween this year given that the entire year has already been a bath of horror?

Don Hall 10/12/20 Don Hall 10/12/20

I Believe… [Yelp Gets Woke…Finally]

I believe… that, in light of Yelp’s new racist business category, I guess now was a bad time for me to open my new “Racism Bistro & Culturally Appropriated Taco Stand.” At least, Brian Sweeney will be a regular. In other news, the state of Alabama bans Yelp.

Don Hall 10/5/20 Don Hall 10/5/20

I Believe… [That I Don’t Believe Him]

I believe… that Trump’s modus operandi is distraction and his COVID diagnosis is a distraction from the fallout from his abysmal debate performance, his dwindling campaign cash, and his refusal to condemn white supremacist groups. I haven’t believed anything he’s said in four years, why start now?

Don Hall 9/28/20 Don Hall 9/28/20

I Believe… [Lazy Gangsters]

I believe… that people pining on for the Old Vegas can’t be too horrified at random gun violence. Today’s gangsters are just too lazy to dig that hole in the desert.

Don Hall 9/21/20 Don Hall 9/21/20

I Believe… [Gambling Away Your Unemployment Check]

I believe… that if you use your unemployment money for entertainment instead of paying your bills, you’re a human shit nugget.

Don Hall 9/14/20 Don Hall 9/14/20

I Believe… [Using Privilege While Fighting Privilege]

I believe… that White looters and antifa wannabes fighting against White privilege not being charged with obvious crimes they committed is kind of the most ironic use of White privilege. Ah, Paradox!

Don Hall 9/7/20 Don Hall 9/7/20

I Believe… [Living in a Bugs Bunny World]

…that when journalistic objectivity, property ownership, and craft jam are all indicators of white supremacy, we’ve now entered into a Chuck Jones cartoon as a society.

Don Hall 8/31/20 Don Hall 8/31/20

I Believe… [Enabling the Trump]

I believe… that the only person who benefits from protests devolving into riots and looting while being excused as somehow acceptable is Donald Trump.

Don Hall 8/24/20 Don Hall 8/24/20

I Believe… [Bad Knick Knack Branding]

I believe… that if you hope to sell your souvenirs and Old West figurines in Virginia City perhaps posting your TRUMP 2020 signs are a bad business move.

Don Hall 8/17/20 Don Hall 8/17/20

I Believe… [If You’re Gonna Loot… Er… Secure Reparations…]

I believe… that, had I been in Chicago during the Reparation Looting, I’d have looted the shit out of Garrett’s Popcorn and Whole Foods. I mean, a Nike High-Top ain’t feeding my kids, right?