I Believe... [Taiwanese Anxiety Disorder]
I believe... that the most nervous government on the globe right now is Taiwan.
I Believe... [Nevada—Dumb But Fun]
...that Nevada has a worse record in education than Florida, Alabama, Georgia, and Mississippi which supports the conclusion that only the dumbest people gamble on the regular. We do have lots of booze and exposed boobs, so there’s a plus side, right?
I Believe... [Legitimate Political Discourse, My Ass]
...that justifying disruptive protests, riots, and looting as ‘legitimate political discourse’ cuts both ways and is horseshit regardless of which side claims it.
I Believe... [Not Nihilism. Clarity]
I believe... that, at half a century plus, one starts to see how much of the world’s issues are bullshit. This is not nihilism. It’s clarity.
I Believe... [1619 + 1776 = A Fuller Picture]
...that the 1619 Project is some solid reading and, while not a definitive history of the country’s founding, a brilliant parallel view to understanding the brilliance of the Founding Fathers creating the republic. Both are true and together provide a more complete comprehension.
I Believe... [A Mouthful of Shit]
...that an opinion without some factual backup is like a cake without sugar. It's heavy, flat and tastes like a mouthful of shit.
I Believe... [Bag of Weasels]
I believe... that every relationship comes with its bag of weasels.
I Believe... [Bristling Elites]
...that when Pulitzer prize winners and people with advanced degrees bristle at being called “elites” the Emperor’s codpiece just slipped off his huge, highly educated, monied cock.
I Believe… [Simple Resolve]
...that if anyone still does New Year’s resolutions, they should include the goals to mind their own business, place their anxiety into perspective, and maybe take a few walks a week. Keep it simple for 2022.
I Believe... [Get Her the Combs Already]
...that you should read O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi before Christmas Eve.
I Believe... [Variant Snap]
...that the next strain of COVID will be known as the Thanos Variant.
I Believe... [No Body Positivity for Fat Dudes]
...that body positivity as a concept is exclusively for women because no one wants to claim big fat dudes are owning their best selves when they decide to become burlesque dancers as a therapeutic measure.
I Believe... [Enduring the Use of Masks]
...that the wave of organized groups smashing into high-end retail stores and stealing things would be just fine if they were wearing hashtag t-shirts aligning with a Utopian cause. At least they were wearing masks, though…
I Believe... [Most Are NOT Outraged]
...that the unwritten purpose of most media today is to make you think that the views of 17 percent of the country are actually the views of 83 percent of the country. The media doesn’t want you informed, they want you outraged. You being informed doesn’t make them rich. You being outraged does.
I Believe... [When the Self Righteous Decide to Educate]
...that the impulse of both the hard left and hard right to ‘educate’ the rest of us is seeped in the arrogance of the self righteous. Also, genuinely boring. Show, don’t yell.
I Believe... [Can a Black Man 'Punch Down?']
...that when an African American man is accused of punching down, the true source of inequality is revealed. It’s about class, not race or gender....that when an African American man is accused of punching down, the true source of inequality is revealed. It’s about class, not race or gender.
I Believe... [Plenty of Workers, Not Enough Decent Gigs]
I believe... that there isn’t a labor shortage, there’s a shitty job surplus.
I Believe... [Channeling The West Wing]
...that WH Press Secretary Jen Psaki is West Wing good....that WH Press Secretary Jen Psaki is West Wing good.
I Believe... [Sadism is Not a Virtue]
…that our pleasure in the pain of others—even those we deem deserve the pain—while common and instinctual, is really not a quality of which we should be proud. Sadism makes us all a bit less.
Christmas is a time for giving, being with family and friends, and hating every other asshole out there in the shops and on the roads also trying to spread joy and share in the Christmas spirit. Similarly, Hanukkah is a time for Jewish people to desperately try to feel relevant during Christmastime.