![I Believe… [Too Much Absence]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1730684696431-9LG56F84KEH4VEPSQ13U/IMG_2287+2.JPG)
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 24, 2023
The only thing better than spending Christmas money is watching your kids play with their new Christmas toys among the shreds of wrapping paper, torn cardboard boxes, and squeals of perfect, youthful laughter.
Santa's Gift
Ricky stood in the snow with one sneaker untied and his backpack hanging far too low on his back. His breath misted in the frigid December air. He shook, but not from the cold. His mother taught him to layer up, making it almost impossible to catch a chill.
No, his shivers were from fear. A fear he had every year. But this year was going to be different.
A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so hard to argue something I no longer believe. Don Hall is right. George Bailey is not a good person. He never took a single step outside of Bedford Falls. His family lives in a drafty old house that he used to throw rocks at. He has a kid named Zuzu. Zuzu—short for Pazuzu, the demon from The Exorcist… I just, I can’t.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 4, 2022
Revolutions don’t die; people grow tired.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 27, 2022
What’s worse than a cold bathroom? The Holocaust. That’s it.
One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure
Do you know the history of the White Elephant?
Oh, the storied tales of White Elephant Christmases gone by! The triumph and defeat! The never-ending variations on the tradition from family to family, office to office! I am giddy just thinking about it. But first, let me back up for those who know not of the White Elephant.
A Letter from Santa’s Lawyers to Donald Trump
Mr. Giuliani gets lumps of coal from the North Pole every year which he uses as hair dye.
Thirty-One Years
An old bear, kept in a chest, waiting to see his person once again.
A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so hard to argue something I no longer believe. Don Hall is right. George Bailey is not a good person. He never took a single step outside of Bedford Falls. His family lives in a drafty old house that he used to throw rocks at. He has a kid named Zuzu. Zuzu—short for Pazuzu, the demon from The Exorcist… I just, I can’t.
Americans Don’t Deserve Christmas in 2019
In 2019, we are more attuned to Punishment over Rehabilitation, Revenge instead of Redemption. We neither forgive nor forget.
Santa's Gift
Ricky stood in the snow with one sneaker untied and his backpack hanging far too low on his back. His breath misted in the frigid December air. He shook, but not from the cold. His mother taught him to layer up, making it almost impossible to catch a chill.
No, his shivers were from fear. A fear he had every year. But this year was going to be different.
Jesus Would Kick Santa’s Ass
This debate is about who represents the holiday we know as Christmas the best. For this purpose, I see both figures more like Marvel X-Men than real life creatures, so come with me on the comparison train!
Almost Had to Say Goodbye
I had been writing a piece for Literate Ape about how New Years resolutions are complete bullshit and my utter disdain for making promises to oneself that one will just forget in a month or so. But I tossed it. In the light of recent events, the piece is tacky and negative. I don’t care about much right now except my mom making it through surgery and my dad keeping it together.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 23, 2018
The big gifts from my wife this Christmas was a Simple Human trashcan for the kitchen, and the Verilux HappyLight Lucent. See, boys and girls, it’s easy to buy presents for a neat freak with a chronic case of the mulligrubs.
I’m still in the infant stage of its use but so far, this HappyLight thing seems to be doing the trick. I do feel better. Plus, I think it’s making my penis bigger.
![I Believe… [Christmas Layoffs Are the Spawn of Hell]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1545364607309-2DPI9XFTCVWS0Y8ON6P1/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Christmas Layoffs Are the Spawn of Hell]
…that any company that fires someone just before Christmas should be burned to the ground. That includes lauded comedy institutions, banks, orphanages, and indie record stores.
'Tis the Season
I committed my first murder on Christmas Day 1958. I was eight.
The Green Snowflake: A Christmastime Story
We all lean in and blow on the cake candles. Hollering and hugging. Laughing and clapping at once. It’s the sort of moment you know you can’t keep, just like you can’t freeze time, so instead you just look right into everyone’s smile and wish on the future for more moments just like it.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 9, 2018
The people who post how excited they are about the Christmas Season/Holiday Season in September are the worst kind of people. Slow your roll. Appreciate what’s in front of you. Be present. It’s OK to be excited and have things to look forward to but dial back your enthusiasm. No one likes an adult who gets giddy over something three months away like a puppy gets giddy over rolling around in its own shit.
![I Believe… [Christmas Day 2017]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1513445083784-O7PB4HGMUVLU2FEMSQ3K/yorick2.jpg)
I Believe… [Christmas Day 2017]
…that Christmas makes me realize how fragile we all are and how brilliantly heroic it is to simply survive on a ball of rock hurtling through space. We thrive in spite of our natures and the yin-yang of the best and worst parts of us is what makes humanity remarkable.
He Was Born Of A Non-Virgin Non-Mary
He was born of a non-virgin non-Mary.
He was born a month prematurely, disrupting his mother’s plans for a large feast of Italian beef sandwiches, dipped, with all the fixings.